I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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