u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
