i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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