Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
