i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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