I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
