Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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