I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
