**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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