apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
soo... how was my night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
