Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
