The maid of honor just puked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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