Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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