all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
