My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
