I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
