we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
