This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
