we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize