Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
