They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
