the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
