I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
false alarm. still invincible.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
