Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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