wat bout pragnant strippers??
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
