Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So drunk its hurt
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
