Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
