guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
