He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize