His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
