If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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