I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
