He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
