we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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