1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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