Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
