Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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