I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
