I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize