If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
