I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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