let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
