We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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