Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
