In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
