I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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