the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
