im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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