you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
