I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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