finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
