i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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