I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I supernannyed him into submission
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