what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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