its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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