yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
