is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
