but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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