Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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