did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
