so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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