watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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