I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
