Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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