so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize