mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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