True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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