What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
