I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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