Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
