I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize