My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
