Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize