we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
