Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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