she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
