u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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