Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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