im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
