i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize