Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
