I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
