i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
