did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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