Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
