If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
