I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
