Your face is a jimmy john
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
