oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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