I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
