She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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