my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
