clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
