i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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