Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
