There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
