and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I could fuck to npr.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
