Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
