Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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