she woke up with a sticky ear
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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