I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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