dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
im on a boat
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