he puts the penis in happiness.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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