no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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