Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
