Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
