youre lurking in front of me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
