Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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