I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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