Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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