Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
