i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
