So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
