that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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