Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
