If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
